Re_Creating my Rituals for Radical Self Care..

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
~ Audre Lorde

I see self care as a radical act. Particularly for women. To move away from the care taker roll of taking care of everyone to slowing down often allowing things to be done in a less than perfect way by others is near impossible for many of us.

Yet taking care of myself is key to the life I want to live. Taking time to do yoga or eat healthy is next to impossible for some of us. And the further down on the ladder of socioeconomic priviledge we go the less resources we have available to us to do self care.

Finding ways to care for myself has been a struggle in my life. If I don't take care of myself I am more short with myself, my kids, and other people. This is why I am creating and recreating my rituals of self care. it is an one going practice not something I do once and forget.

Here are some ideas for doing self care that I use and will be accessible to many though honestly not all people. But if you have access to a computer to read this then you will probably be able to do most of this. I would love to hear from you about what you do for self care in the comments

• Yoga on youtube so many wonderful people have offered their time to post great videos
• Time in nature either go for a walk or even just take a chair and sit their listening to the sounds (I am lucky enough to be in Tennesssee and there is so much nature you almost can't get away from it.)
• Take a hot bath (bonus with epsom salt and candles)
• Practice some mindfulness or mediation again youtube will have many many resources. Here's a nice one
• listen/read to a favorite speaker/author, I really enjoy Pema Chodron, Tara Brach, and Miki Kashtan
• Take time to forgive yourself. You are not perfect you are human that comes with mistakes this is called self compassion.
• Eat the most nourishing foods you can afford, in my area kale has gotten really affordable and I have started to grow a garden
• Get a massage or trade with a friend 
• Take time to do what you love
• find or create a red tent near you
• drink nourishing herbal infusions 
• journal taking time to write down your feelings and needs

If we aren't taking better care of ourselves how can we take care of the world or change it?

Oceana SisterMoon is currently living her dream of a sustainable life, raising chickens, and growing food with her 4 children. She seeks to help women unearth their power through sisterhood and healing through self-connection , interdependence, power in vulnerability, and authenticity. 

The World Needs You Now

“You matter.

You are important.

There is a reason for your existence.

You may not see or understand how this is true, but truth doesn't cease to be truth because of doubt, blindness, or ignorance. 

And the truth is―you matter.” 

~Richelle E. Goodrich

I have been meditating on Miki Kashtan's Core Commitments for several months. This is a series of blog posts for me to explore these with the greater world.  Practicing risking my significance. 

3. Risking my Significance: even when I am full of doubt, I want to offer myself in full to the world. If I find myself thinking that I am not important or that my actions are of no significance, I want to seek support to come back to my knowledge that my presence and my gifts matter.

What would change in your life if you trusted that you matter? 

I grew up like so many children do.  My needs came last after all the grown ups in my world. First, my mother then grandparents, when I started school my teachers. I wasn't listened too. If there was a time in my life that I knew how to speak up for myself I forgot. There were sometimes in high school I tried to speak up but teachers either criticized or ignored for whatever their reasons were at the time. 

Speaking up has always been hard for me.  Now close to middle age,  like many times before I am trying to find my voice again.  I have had and lost so many relationships because my needs in the end didn't matter enough to the other person for them to attempt to work through our conflict.  There is still significance ache at the loss of these friends. 

My first thought when I think about this question is not about trusting that I mattered because I have never entered a relationship in which I thought otherwise. Entities are a different thing. Do I matter to the government or a Restaurant that seems an easy no. But the important relationships in my life I have (at least until shown otherwise) that we each mattered equally.  

And yet I know I have so much to offer the world. 

When my oldest was born (16 years ago) I read a book a book called The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff. It changed my thinking on life in so many ways. The author was traveling in the Amazon and met a tribe that cared for their children in the complete opposite way as most people in the United States at the time. Of course nursing their children but also tying them on their backs. They didn't have a word for work.  Even though they "worked" harder than many white people on a daily basis for them it was just life. And each member of the tribe had intrinsic value regardless of whether or not they preformed "work" 

 I longed to live my life this way for myself and for my children. Little did I know then when I was only in my early twenties and so naive how much of a hold our culture had on me. I mistakenly thought if I thought about it differently then I could live it differently. Oh, the isolation and criticism I encountered. While I was ready to change our culture to what I say as something different others didn't see what was "wrong" with our culture and I was at best naive to some people and at worst severely harming my children according to others. I can only imagine these encounters where I mattered intrinsically and they did too to the world. 

I can feel my body relax a bit, I unthinkingly breath a bit deeper my muscles that i hold so tight let go at least for the moment.  For a moment at least I just enjoy this relaxation in my body that I hold so tight so often prepared for fight-flight-freeze. Almost always on alert prepared for the next disaster.  i have spent so many hours trying t calm this being told by the new age movement that I have caused the bad things to happen to myself by being afraid adding insult to injury. 

I would love to offer more of myself to the world . Really this is what I am doing with this blog at least that is the attempt to offer up moments from my life. The thoughts I have about studying Nonviolent Communication for the last 4 years.  I also share it because I still dream of living in a peaceful world despite it all and I want more people to know what can be gotten out of studying NVC.  I  think NVC is a major peace in creating a sustainable future. 


Studying NVC learning to identify my needs in times of frustration and hurt helps me matter to myself even when I the other person appears to not be putting value on my needs this gives me the strength to offer myself more fully to the world no matter the response. So here I am working to offer myself to the world through this blog risking my significance. 

Go to mettacenter.org  for more info about the Core Commitments. 

Oceana SisterMoon is currently living her dream of a sustainable life, raising chickens, and growing food with her 4 children. She seeks to help women unearth their power through sisterhood and healing through self-connection , interdependence, power in vulnerability, and authenticity.