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| "Beautiful Heart Rocks found and arranged by Artist Hannah Maxwell Rowell. Her artist page can be found here |
“To be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others, and yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves.”
Some relationships are easy. People get along. There seems to understanding from the start without struggle. Our need to matter is met and so is the other persons. It is just easy. But what do we do when it is not easy? How to we find common ground when things are not so easy, when doubts are born of if the other sister cares about our needs?
Our first reaction is to close our heart to these people or ourselves when things get hard. Since childhood many of us have learned that our needs will not or cannot be met. So we learn to stop asking, we learn to stop wanting. I believe this is fear not strength. Finding it in ourselves to go on and continue with open heart is indeed the path to growth and acquired strength and vulnerability.
As a child I felt helpless a lot and in order to protect myself I became prickly. “Unexpressed fear looks like aggression” -Miki Kashtan. I have a goal in my life and that is to stay open hearted to all people I am meeting and in contact with. This is hard. Especially coming out of an abusive relationship or just learning to lovingly say “NO” in any relationship. Many people myself included have abandonment fears. So saying no can be particularly scary. I have spent a lot of time working on healing myself from relationships that were not meeting my needs.
Because of being raised in this society that teaches us to swallow our needs and try to make them as small as possible the first step in overcoming our urge to close our heart is to experience our needs fully and without apology. To many of us sisters can’t ask for our needs to be met without feeling guilty. Feelings of guilt when making a request to get our needs met will inhibit creativity in meeting all of our needs. It can also lead to someone meeting our request without a heart full of joy which will not feel any better than if they were to say no.
How do we proceed when the tragic happens and someone you love and you aren't able communicate effectively. What do you do?
When we love someone very deeply and then things fall apart it can be heartbreaking. I often have opposing feelings one is to seek safety, the other is wanting to comfort the other person. Depending on what the situation is will decide what action I take. Sometimes when the person is seemingly very dangerous I will want to close my heart to them for fear of being hurt and at the same time closing my heart to them will also cause me pain. We are at our best when we are open hearted seeing the world the way we saw it as children and we are then at our most creative to finding a solution that will meet the most needs.
So when I am in a safe place perhaps with someone I trust I work on opening my heart. When we first open our hearts to life it can be painful for sometimes we have kept it closed for so long. I have found the most helpful techniques for healing to be EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and using Ho’oponopono for myself and any person with whom I desire a healing of our relationship. I imagine saying to them, and then myself and then to the two of us together. “I am sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you”
I have learned in my life that I must take steps to keep myself and my children safe from people who are currently dangerous but closing my heart is my choice and it becomes an opportunity for my own healing to take place and in healing my own heart I allow myself to fully love the other person no matter how they see me.
Oceana SisterMoon is currently living her dream of a sustainable life, raising chickens, and growing food with her 4 children. She seeks to help women unearth their power through sisterhood and healing through self-connection , interdependence, power in vulnerability, and authenticity. instagram pinterest
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