Changed

 I've changed.  I'm not the same person I used to be. Sometimes this leaves me at a loss in figuring out how to move forward in my long standing relationships.  

God is Change - Lauren Oya Olamina

 It can be so hard when people change around us. 
Especially when we have known them for a long time. This has really changed my life and my relationships. 

As I have written before my life really got turned upside down some years ago.  So I started studying Nonviolent Communication. Since that time my life has changed for the better. I feel stronger more capable and generally happier than I have ever felt in my life. Although I think however much we grow we will always be able to grow more. 

How do we handle our relationships  when we change or our friends change. Often we miss the old ways we interacted. And even though sometimes we grow in positive way our friendships don't grow with us. 

I have a dear friend of mine who I have known for 20 yrs and we have had a pretty good relationship for a long time.  Once there was an ease of communication between us that I really miss since I have grown/ I don't know how to bridge the gap between who I was and the new me. Some people I know really enjoy the new me....my mother, even though we still have our disagreements.

I'm lost I don't know what to do or where to go. I'm tired of feeling alone. I want community and support and some room in my life to make mistakes. It doesn't feel like it is that kind of world. 

I feel sad, and rejected and i am thinking my friend feels the same.  My intellect knows that whatever she is going through is only partly because of me. 

Interestingly I can fit my experience of personal growth into a diagram that I learned about recently 

Intention> Action> Needs Met & Needs Unmet

I'm feeling sad and lonely worried....wishing for love, I want to matter, I want my feelings and needs to matter.....

I feel fucking angry! I FEEL FUCKING ANGRY!

Anger = Unmet needs 


I don't want to be the person I used to be. I like the new me. so much that I want to continue down this path of change. I don't think I have found the answer I have found something that works for me. Yet staying the new person we become can be so hard in the face of people we have known for a long time. Sometime Change scares them. The can be afraid there will not be a place for them with the new you. Or they have some stake in you staying the same. 

Now is the time to breathe and love myself no matter what. But also it is the time to love her too. Now is the time to know I can be angry and still love my old friends.  I can Change and my relationships can Change and we can go on. 

Peace Love Joy and Compassion :)

Oceana SisterMoon is currently living her dream of a sustainable life, raising chickens, and growing food with her 4 children. She seeks to help women unearth their power through sisterhood and healing through self-connection , interdependence, power in vulnerability, and authenticity. instagram pinterest